Before I left for my mission I was struggling... a lot. I just withdrew from life. I know I may have hurt many loved ones by disassociation and I'm sorry about that. To all my friends, co-workers, and acquaintances I feel like I owe this explanation.
On my mission I was pretty open with my struggles, especially if it meant I was helping someone. For some reason it's easier to tell a stranger about yourself then it is to tell someone you care about. Since being home I've come to really appreciate people's openness and honesty regarding their personal struggles and weaknesses. Listening to people and having people listen to you especially when you are both enduring a similar trial can be the best medicine.
For several years now I've struggled with depression (this isn't a topic I particularly enjoy talking about but I feel it may help someone else as well as heal me a bit). Mental illness runs in my family and unfortunately I was one of the lucky ones to get it. When I first realized I suffered from depression I felt really insecure, lonely, and embarrassed. I didn't want to be diagnosed and especially take medication. After months of struggling with crazy hormones, sleep deprivation, and crying spills I knew I needed to start take care of myself. It was probably the best moves I've made in life.
Admitting that I suffer with depression isn't hard for me anymore. On my mission I realized how many people actually suffer from this disease. I think we can help each other more by being honest with our personal struggles even if it may be embarrassing to admit. If anyone reading this struggles with mental illness or think that they might be- make sure you get the help you need. It doesn't always have to be treated with medicine. There are other options out there, such as therapy or even a combination of both.
I just wanted to let people know how sorry I am if I caused any harm to you. The reason why I never mentioned anything before was because of embarrassment but also realizing people treat you differently when they know you have depression. I just want people to know who don't understand or don't have any problems with mental illness to realize that it's OK when depressed people cry. Don't assume they are in depression mode just because they are sad. People without mental illness cry too you know! Be open minded about their struggles, listen. Sometimes listening is the best way for people to overcome a hard day. Also, don't get offended when they stop speaking to you all of a sudden. Sometimes they just need time for themselves. Although, this can be a good or bad thing... just be intuitive. Don't judge anyone who may suffer from depression. People are fighting a battle you know nothing about. Also, having to take medication for depression is like having to take medicine for back pain or diabetes. No one should be looked down upon for something they can't control.
I hope this helps clear some minds about me, not that excuses what mistakes I've made in the past. I just hope that we just help each other out. Back-biting, gossiping, and judging does more harm to you than it does to the person. Take the time to get to know the person and the situation before judgment is placed.
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